Sometimes you just have to stop.
I have written before about my experiences with burnout and anxiety. Unfortunately, these are not issues that get fixed quickly. The last few months have been difficult and I have a way to go before I can consider myself to be better - whatever that looks like in reality.
A couple of months or so ago I realised that I couldn't carry on the way I was and needed to give up my job in a leadership role, at least for time being. This was an agonising realisation to make - as in sobbing in the fire exit at work bad - but yet for all that I knew it was right. Sometimes we really need to stop, to take stock and to give ourselves the chance to get better. I am truly grateful for support of my employers and am now on a secondment to a team I love and know well, and am also working with great collections.
I think I'm giving myself the best chance I can to come back better than ever, but things still feel raw and painful. I've had to give up doing things I was really looking forward to, and I feel sometimes like I'm missing out. Kind people keep telling me they think what I'm doing is brave, but I'm not quite ready to think that.
I really hope that this situation is one that I can learn from - and maybe others to. I've been really saddened by the number of people I talk to who are going through, or have gone through something similar. What is wrong with the world?
Yet I'm grateful too, because when I've screwed up my courage and reached out to people they've been there for me. It's really quite overwhelming the wonderful kindness I've received from people near and far. I'm also super grateful I started knitting again and learnt to crochet.
So, I'm continuing on my journey, but truly hope I've turned a corner.